Perfectly Picturesque
by indraaas
Summary: His girlfriend's first non-hostile visit to his Guild was to be nothing short of perfect. Not even the sudden outbreak of pneumonia or the carefully planted glitter bombs would ruin it. Then again, the Kyuukimon always found a way to tear to shreds his carefully laid out plans, why should he have expected this to be any different?


**A/N:** For Dragon, who requested Marucy, throne. Originally supposed to be kind of depressing and angsty but this is me. Humour all the way. Set in YingYang!verse, where Tartarus and its demons all exist, but for all intents and purposes, they're dorks.

* * *

There was something impure lurking in the ancient halls of The Cube.

An oddly ironic statement given the nature of the inhabitants. Demons were, by definition, impure and unholy to the nth degree, and by proxy, so were their homes. In fact, whenever recruitment season occurred every fifty or so years, Jackal would often be found addressing the floating object as The Filthy Pit of Sins and Lies, adding to the whole...impurity of it all.

Alas, this was not the metaphorical kind of corruption. That would have been all too easy to tamper down.

Mard Geer could smell it.

He could smell the bacteria floating in the air, eager to intrude the body of some unsuspecting human and wreak havoc upon their immune system. Normally, this would not be cause for concern. As a demon, minor things such as disease and infections had absolutely no affect on him, and he could frankly care less about the human soldiers in his home. He knew they were fully capable of dealing with it on their own, and if they weren't...well, then they had no place in Tartarus.

But today...today, there could be no room for error.

For today, his girlfriend would be coming for her first formal, non-hostile visit to his Guild, and Mard refused to have something as banal as the flu ruin it for her.

"Lamy," he snapped, slamming open the metal doors that led to the laboratory underground. The petite demon whirled around, thick goggles with an attached magnifying lens obscuring her eyes and giving even him pause. "Take those off."

"Ah, Master Mard Geer!" Lamy pulled them down, a crazed smile crossing her face. "What do you need me to do today? Please, please tell me that you want me to modify Jackal's body! Ooh, it would be so much fun to add more muscles-"

"No," he stopped her before she could continue to disturb him more than he already was. Had she not been such a brilliant scientist, he would have sealed her in a book eons ago, if nothing than to reduce the harassment forms he received on a near daily basis. Mostly from Jackal. And Tempesta. And Kyouka. And every other member of the Kyuukimon.

"Aww," she pouted. "What else do you need done, then? Want me to modify you-?"

"No," he said firmly, his eyebrow twitching. "Do you smell that?"

She frowned, tilting her head up and inhaling deeply. She repeated the process several times, eventually facing him with a bored look on her face. "Pneumonia. Great, now I have to go get vaccines and antibiotics for the humans here. Ugh, this is why I hate giving them healthcare benefits! Speaking of which, is a dental plan really necessary? I mean come on-"

"Pneumonia?" Mard hissed, his onyx eyes glinting dangerously. "Humans are ridiculously susceptible to this and it is the middle of winter, meaning their immune systems are surpressed as is, and Lucy will-"

"Oh," Lamy rolled her eyes, "That's what this is about."

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing!" she chirped. "So what do you need me to do?"

"Get rid of it," he snarled. "I don't care how, just do it."

"Sir, yes, sir!" Lamy saluted.

* * *

"Jackal," a vein on Mard's head throbbed alarmingly. "What are you doing?"

The blond bomber shot his boss an annoyed look, both hands still fixing a large box to the top of the main doors. "What does it look like? I'm setting up a surprise for nee-san when she gets here!"

"You understand why I will be very annoyed if that is a box full of explosives," the Underworld King said in The Voice. The Voice was what the whole of Tartarus liked to call his polite, quiet tone. It was the one he used before either literally or figuratively dragged a person to hell. And by hell, he meant Lamy's lab. That was threat enough to keep everybody in line.

"Are you stupid?" he scoffed, "It's full of glitter bombs! She opens the door and boom! Glitter everywhere! It'll be x690 all over again!"

Mard blanched slightly at the mention of that horrid year, full of disco balls, metallic clothing, denim wear, flower-crowns, and rather distasteful music with the same ridiculously upbeat tempo. He patted his hair self-consciously, forever scarred by the knowledge that he, too, fell victim to the trend known simply as the mullet.

"Take it down," a venomous glare silenced any protests. "Now."

Grumbling, the explosive demon set to work dismantling his prized work of art.

"And Jackal? This goes for the other surprises you have set up. Including in the dining hall."

"Fuck."

* * *

"Something feels off..." Mard murmured, his critical gaze sweeping across the main entrance. There was not one speck of dirt in sight. He was absolutely neurotic about cleanliness and order, so it was no surprise there. The flowers he had picked out after days of research on meaning sat in their ornate, centuries old vases by the door, flooding the room with their sweet, yet subtle scent. The carpet was thoroughly power-washed and brushed till it was as soft as newborn puppy fur, and the marble floor shone so brightly it was almost blinding.

"Yeah," Silver grumbled at his side, "You mean other than the fact that my son is not coming with her?"

Mard sighed irritably. "You know you are free to invite him on your own time. Just not today. I fail to see why you want to rekindle the relationship almost a decade and a half later, it's not like he bothered before."

"I feel like me being, oh, I don't know, dead kind of had a pretty key role in that."

"She's here," Sayla yawned, waving as she passed by.

Mard felt his pulse skyrocket. It was now or never. She was finally here. As he opened the doors, he ran through a mental checklist of everything he may or may not have forgotten. All it would take was a brief, demon-only mental broadcast to get any last minute duties out of the way, so he wasn't too concerned.

Right now, all he had to worry about was ensuring that this was the best visit Lucy would ever have.

"Mard!" his blonde girlfriend crashed into his chest, crushing him in her vice-grip. He returned the gesture, albeit less forcefully. He was built to handle extreme force, she was not. It was a fact that was always on the forefront of his mind, that while she was supposed to be so much more fragile than he was, she was easily twice as durable. It was one of the many things that fascinated him about her.

"Lucy," he greeted, squeezing her shoulders. "I trust your trip here was well?"

"Yeah," she shrugged off her thick coat. "Mest made a quick direct line here before running off to grab some supplies for Wendy. She's out of pneumonia vaccines and a shipment just arrived in Crocus for her. Poor Natsu, I'm amazed he of all people caught it!"

"Natsu has pneumonia?" Silver barked a laugh. "Oh, that is too good to be true! The demons can't down him, but that can?"

"Gray caught it, too," Lucy smiled. Had he been the type, Mard would have joined in, but instead he took silent amusement in the look of horror on his demon's face.

"A tour, first?" he extended his arms graciously, pleased when Lucy took a hold of it with a bright grin. "That would be nice."

"Sayla mentioned you have a library?" her brown eyes sparkled in delight at the mere mention of a room full of books. Mard was continually amazed at the knowledge that there was a human whose love for literature rivaled even his own, and that fact was one of the many reasons he first thought to court her.

 _Out of the library,_ Tempesta warned telepathically. _Kyouka and Sayla are busy christening some new nook._

The Underworld King frowned minutely. He knew how much his beautiful blonde adored books, and he had intended to show her the renovated section meant specifically for her. He had had it stocked full of her favourite works, and even had a small table installed for her writing purposes.

"Perhaps we can adjourn to the library at a later time," he said smoothly. "It appears Sayla is...breaking in some new recruits."

To the side, Silver snorted lightly. "New? This has been going on since x400..."

"Huh?" Mard shot his general a positively demonic glare over his short lover's blonde head. Backtracking, he amended, "This practice of breaking in new recruits in the library, I mean. A three hundred year old tradition!"

"Oh!" she wrinkled her nose delicately. "I hope they aren't hurt too badly...I mean, if this has been going on for so long, then..."

Mard winced. He knew just where her mind had gone, and he was loathe to admit that she was right for thinking so. Tartarus was not known for its kindness, nor was it known for treating its human soldiers well. For Lucy, who was as compassionate, loving, and human as could be, the mere idea of torturing her fellow man was nauseating at best.

"Not to worry," he said softly, "We have changed since our battle. Sayla has been expressly forbidden from torturing humans."

"Yeah," Silver grinned good-naturedly. "What I meant was she's probably...I dunno, making them organize the shelves in reverse Dewey Decimal."

"Oh!" Lucy laughed. The sound filled Mard with a foreign sensation he felt only around her. Copious amounts of research led him to believe this was what was known as affection, and not early signs of heart failure. The last was only disputed by Lamy after a battery of tests the first time he had experienced it.

"Well, I suppose that is well," Lucy's smile had his heart racing double time. How was it that she was able to affect him so? He was certain it would be a mystery that would continue to puzzle him long after she passed to the next life.

"Hey, how about the ballroom?" Silver inputted excitedly. Lucy's jaw dropped. "You have a ballroom?"

"For parties," Mard explained, leading her down the twisting halls to their destination. "We don't spend all our time plotting to take over the world, you know."

"We should totally host one some time!" Lucy exclaimed, clapping her hands in glee. "Gray's birthday is coming up soon!"

"What?" Silver screeched, tugging at his hair. "Oh, good God I forgot!"

 _The ballroom isn't a good idea right now, Master Mard Geer!_ Sayla shouted in his head. While Absolute Zero clutched his head in agony, Mard's only reaction was a twitch. The noises filtering through were nothing short of ungodly.

 _Why?_

 _I've quarantined those infected with pneumonia in here and...well, over half our troops are down for the count!_

"Hey, Mard, isn't the ballroom undergoing some sort of renovation?" Silver was always quick with a saving excuse. The Underworld King made a mental note to give him a raise.

"Ah, yes, my apologies, Lucy. I forgot. Tempesta and Jackal had a...well, a rather heated battle the other day."

Not exactly a lie. It hadn't taken much to fix the ballroom.

"Oh," Lucy winced sympathetically as she patted his arm. "Say no more. I've seen the damage Natsu and Gray cause in their brawls."

"Dinner?" Silver suggested.

 _Please stay away from the dining hall,_ Tempesta's tone was aggravated. _Jackal detonated his glitter bomb while dismantling it. It's everywhere._

"The chefs are rather particular about timing," Gray's father immediately said. "Never mind."

"Then where else do we go?" Mard snarled, startling Lucy. He had never taken this tone near her. He made sure of it. He was a demon enough as is, he didn't need to emphasize the fact. He had tried so hard to make it so that she forgot that he wasn't human like her. That was the point of today. He wanted her to see that he lived a normal life, did normal things, and wasn't all about genocide and chaos. That was in the past.

But the actions of his subordinates was making him sorely tempted to commit one final mass murder.

"Throne room," Silver pointed to the door on his immediate left.

Dread filled Mard.

That was what he was forgetting.

The throne room hadn't been cleaned properly.

"You have a throne?" Lucy raised an eyebrow, "This I need to see."

"No, wait-!"

It was too late. Small, yet powerful hands grasped the handles and flung the barriers open, and Mard closed his eyes in defeat.

She would break up with him. He knew it. After all, how could she be seen with someone who couldn't even keep his throne clean? It was the lowest of the low, the most horrendous crime against humanity and demonhood. It was-

"Beautiful!" Lucy gasped. "It's so beautiful! I love the colours!"

"I beg your pardon?" Mard was flabbergasted. Silver gave him a knowing smile as he left the two lovers to their devices. Oh, to be young and hopelessly in love again.

Lucy plopped down on the chair, and Mard felt something warm bubble in his stomach. This wasn't the affection he had learned to associate with her, no. This was...this was the feeling of something finally becoming complete. Something about her in his chair (his throne, for he was the only one who had sat on it in nearly four hundred years) made him feel like she truly did belong.

Every king did need their queen, and what was she if not the queen of his existence?

"Oh, sorry," she apologized, moving to rise. "You probably don't want me on-"

"No," he interrupted, holding out a hand. "Stay. You...look nice there."

As she blushed deeply at his words, he couldn't help but wonder how she would look seated next to him in a matching throne.

If he had to guess, it would be a perfect balance of light and dark, and he did so love harmony.

* * *

 **A/N:** I'm sorry if it wasn't fluffy enough. I tried. This ship is new to me. Silver was my favourite to write, if I'm gonna be completely honest...

-Touko


End file.
